Kinky? Who, me?
Honestly, I thought anyone who enjoyed
sex was kinky. I was well into my twenties before I found out that
there is what are known as vanilla people who enjoy sex, and
non vanilla people who also enjoy sex. And the vanilla part
has nothing to do with race.
Did you know not everyone enjoys being
dominated or dominating someone else?! Like, that's not just a normal part of everyday sex. I for one was shocked. And spanking? Yep, not everyone is into that either.
A ton
of girls don't like to be spanked, tied up, or having their nipples
manhandled. They feel like certain sexual positions are demeaning, and
owning a vibrator is the most risque thing they've ever done in the
bedroom--and that was by themselves.
I know. Crazy, right?!
I talk to so many people that have done
things way beyond my experience level--and read about so many
things that are way more everything than what I do at home-- I often forget that the stuff I'm into is considered super kinky.
Can we talk about this? I'm yellow.Yellow!
Honestly, I think with the right person
the things you never thought you'd be into may sound more appealing
just because you are so into the person you are doing them with. That
was certainly true for me. And I'm very glad to have found my kinky soulmate.
I never want to be single again for so many reasons, but one of them is; I never want to have to go through the dating process, ever again.
It seems like everyone's got a kink, or
their own idea or 'normal'. Finding someone whose idea of 'normal'
jives with your own is like finding a needle in the haystack. I found my needle, but it wasn't easy.
I have a good gal pal that is twenty-seven, single, and ready to mingle. She often talks about her dating and mating highs and lows. It all sounds so complicated. Every time she's talking about things like Tinder, I feel ancient. Tinder, and the fact she's on it, scares the hell out of me.
Dating nowadays seems like seven levels of hooks-ups, ranging from potential one-night-stand, to hell-I-might-actual-date-this-one.
With those kind of options I imagine dating while horny is a lot like grocery shopping while
hungry. You end up with junk you didn't want and forget to get the stuff you needed.
How
would anyone--especially newly single ladies--know where to begin to
navigate these waters while kinky? Do not despair my single ladies of many
varied sexual tastes. You are not alone. To you ladies I present, The
Kinky Girl's Guide to Dating by Luna Grey.
Luna
Grey takes you through her friends dating mishaps inside the BDSM
world. She tells stories from Maddie a sub and reluctant switch, as well
as Suki a Domme who just wants to paddle men's bottoms, naughty or not.
Their stories
range from the mistakes they made just starting out to the mistakes they
made as season pros, or as Maddie referred to herself, a spinster sub.
Peppered through all these tales are Kinky Girl Tips. Some of these tips are humorous and some are downright musts.
I've often rolled my eyes at the Safe Sane Consensual reminder. Well, duh, I think to myself. Everyone knows that. The sane
has always been a no-brainer for me. I think everything through. Who
wouldn't be careful and think things through? Who would ignore
their instincts?
Oh, right, everyone, including young single me.
Reading this made me remember all the really stupid, really unsafe things I did, and choices I made when single and horny. Sanity was not part of the equation on many occasions.
I
met guys online. I left parties with men I didn't know. I went off with
men who didn't speak English, and ended up in places that were not good
at all--without a cell phone, in another country.
Did
I ever set up a safe call?! Did I ever tell anyone the name of who I
was with or where I was going? Maybe. Once or twice. Probably not.
I'm
amazed I'm still alive.
SIDE NOTE:If you just wondered what the hell a safe call is, stop reading this
and go buy the book--read it on your lunch break--seriously
Luna
also talks about what it's like to date as a BDSM player and the trials
of fetish wear. (I fear PVC and Latex!) I vanilla dated but found I had
many similar experiences as these women. No crying transvestites or
bull whips, but other stuff...
I
also I found it interesting that BDSM vanilla plain clothes dates are a
'getting to know you period' where you decide if your kinks mesh, and if
there is any kind of spark. If so negotiations for play are set up. In
these negotiations you talk about just wanting to play or wanting more
than just a scene every other week.
Is that what hook-up dating is like?
Some
people just want to find their Dom or Sub that is right for them. Some
people are looking for a soulmate whether they be Dom, sub, or vanilla. And some people are looking exclusively for a play partner with no
strings attached.
Again, it sounds like dating nowadays.
I
have to say, I had my own rules and guidelines of dating that were no
nonsense, upfront, and honest. I felt a genuine connection to the Kinky Girl's Guide. The book is older, but the advice is not. This book is full of practical advice that really makes sense for vanilla and kinky girls alike.
Go forth, single ladies. And remember to phone a friend before wandering off with that creepy guy that looked so hot after four margaritas.You'll thank yourself in the morning.