Thursday, October 30, 2014

Couch Time With Tracy St. John


I'm super excited to have one of my all time favorite authors, Tracy St. John, here with me today! She is answering some questions and sharing a tantalizing excerpt from her new book Michaela. This story is part of the Clans of Kalquor universe, and features an intersex human heroine. I can't wait to talk to Tracy about Michaela and possibly get her to tell us about what she's working on now.

Aubrey: Tracy, first and foremost, who are these delicious men you've brought with you today, and can I touch them?

Tracy: These are the Clan-destine Strippers, straight from Kalquor. Their act consists of thumping their chests, stomping about, and taking clothes off. I still can’t convince these guys they should try dancing, but by the time they’re down to their G-strings, I no longer care.

Touch all you want, but be advised that they expect to be allowed to touch back!

Aubrey: I can live with that. <eyes up wall of man and tries not to drool> Right. Where was I?

 We first met Michaela Blake in Clans of Kalquor book two, Alien Rule. She's kind of a fan favorite. When you wrote Michaela as a secondary character, did you know you were going to write her book?

Tracy: That was nowhere on my radar. My publisher at the time had very strict rules about manlove – it was a no-no. Having intersex Michaela in Alien Rule was kind of pushing my luck with getting it accepted, but the acquisitions editor was very cool about it. She sent me a contract immediately. However, I knew the boundary of Michaela getting her own book was one that could not be crossed with that publisher. At the time, I couldn’t imagine taking Kalquor to anyone else or self-publishing, so I never thought she would get a book of her own.

My first inkling that I should write Michaela’s story was after I published the short story collection Alien Interludes. I asked readers in a poll which of the short stories was their favorite. ‘Michaela’s Child’ won hands down.

Aubrey: This is the first book you've ever written with an intersex human as the main character. I imagine there had to be challenges writing her story. Plus, much of the story runs parallel to Alien Rule. It seems like it would be a massive undertaking. Was there anything especially challenging? Anything that surprised you?

Tracy: The hardest part of writing Michaela as a character was to not sensationalize or over-sympathize. Doing those could have made her a caricature instead of a believable person. She was simply a normal woman in extraordinary circumstances. I approached her like most of my characters: how do I feel I would behave in her place? How does one behave when she has been forced to hide her true identity, lived in fear, and pretended to be someone she is not? How does she act when she is finally allowed to be herself? How much of the internalized suffering comes out?

Keeping the continuity correct between the two books was the bigger headache. Matching up dialogue and action sounds like it should be easy, but it’s not. Two people never hear the same conversation the exact same way. There are a few differences between the viewpoints in the books. The tricky thing was that I had to write the same scenes over from a different perspective of a different woman with a different history coloring her experience of the event.

I had to decide, do I maintain everything word for word in Michaela that was written in Alien Rule, knowing that this is not the way life in the real world works? Or do I stick with hearing and feeling and seeing from that character’s unique perspective? I went with unique perspective, which is why alert readers will find some small inconsistencies between the two books.

Aubrey: I really enjoyed how you intergrated Alien Rule into the story from a different perspective. Phenomenal job. On a lighter note; Kalquorians have two penises each. On top of that Michaela has her own little penis. Have you ever caught yourself forgetting to add a penis?

Tracy: No, I can honestly say I’m always well aware of every single penis I’m playing – er, dealing with.

Aubrey: That's just another reason I greatly admire you, Tracy. You're always on top of things. I love your Kalquorians and I always pick favorites. Dramok Korkla, Nobek Raxstad, and Imdiko Govi. Do you have a favorite? Be honest.

Tracy: I love each of the guys for different reasons, but I almost always go with the Nobek. It’s the same with this book, particularly after I saw the model my cover artist used for Raxstad – yow. Bring me Lidon from Alien Conquest and sandwich me between those two, please!

Aubrey: Nobek sandwich? That sounds as delightful as it does dangerous. I feel like that should come with a “please consult your doctor before participating” type warning.

You just put those of us following Shalia's Diary through the ringer. Which you warned us you were going to do. I have to ask: What can we expect for this next installment? How far along are you in the series?

Tracy: I needed a break after all the darkness of Shalia 4. I decided to go with something not so intense, and this fifth installment fits that nicely. That being said, with Halloween looming before me as I wrote the latest storyline I wanted to play with something a bit spooky. I’m a fool for ghost stories and things that go bump in the night...we’ll see plenty of that in the next few weeks of Shalia’s Diary.

I’m working on the sixth storyline now, and I’m not that far into it yet. For that one, I was inspired by a common trope in science fiction television shows. I’m a huge fan of Star Trek, Stargate, and Babylon 5. I took a page out of their playbooks for Shalia 6, and it’s shaping up nicely. That’s all I’m going to divulge for now. Saying any more will give away too many surprises.

Aubrey: Eek! I can't wait. I know your next Clans of Kalquor book is Alien Indiscretions with Cissy and Clan Diltan. On behalf of FoKs everywhere, I have to ask, when do you think we may have this one in our greedy little hands?

Tracy: Well, you know I’ve had some delays with my writing this past year due to personal issues. On top of those, I had a ton of book rights reverting to me. That meant re-editing and formatting to release my own independently published versions. Some of those books demanded major re-writes. That meant Alien Indiscretions, which I had originally hoped to publish this past summer, kept getting delayed.

I’m still dealing with re-issues, plus I’m working on getting all my books on All Romance eBooks’ site. However, I have made Alien Indiscretions my priority, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that I will get it out early in 2015.

Aubrey: You write a lot of kink. Delicious naughty, dirty kink. Do you have a favorite? Spanking? Anal play? Bondage? Getting your toes sucked on?

Tracy: I like a lot of things, but the most important ingredient for me is being dominated. I love submitting to someone who is strong and confident. Power exchange excites me because it goes beyond the physical ... it involves a mental quality. Kink that starts in the brain makes all the other body parts respond much better.

Aubrey: Your own personal top three fantasy scenarios? Go.

Tracy: You said ‘fantasy’, so I’m assuming these are not scenarios that have to be possible in reality. In that case:

First – abduction and seduction by a Kalquorian clan. Yes, I fantasize about my own creation. All the time!

Second – being a virgin princess with a harem of men tasked with teaching me all the ways of lovemaking.

Third – me and the men of True Blood. Please and thank you.

Aubrey: Wowzers. I especially like number two. Personal favorite scene in Michaela and why?

Tracy: When Raxstad and Michaela get busy in his hospital bed. Raxstad, despite being injured and flat on his back, is so in control of Michaela. That kind of sensual power and knowledge of what makes his lover surrender to his demands ... I find that incredibly sexy.

Aubrey: That was my favorite, too! Clan Korkla really turned up the heat in this story. You have some scrumptious scenes peppered throughout. <sigh>

Okay, random question; if Clan Korkla went to the movies, what movie would they go see and why?

Tracy: I think they would love Shaun of the Dead. After a day of dealing with political intrigue (Korkla), emotionally-wrenching trauma (Govi), and getting shot at (Raxstad), I see the boys wanting to kick back and laugh. An uncomplicated, hilarious comedy would be the perfect escape.

Aubrey: I could see that. They are a humorous bunch. 

Thank you for stopping by and letting me pick your brain! As always, feel free to leave any of the guys here.

Tracy: I think you have your pick of the line-up. Try not to wear them out too fast!

Aubrey: I'm not making any promises. 

All right everyone, if you're looking for a sci-fi hot enough to melt your Kindle, look no further! 

Michaela is now available from Amazon, Amazon UK, Smashwords, Nook, and in. print

Michaela Blake has lived with a secret her whole life. Born an intersex, she’s hidden in plain sight from Earth’s religious tyranny, posing as a male to avoid being discovered and executed. Now that she’s escaped to Plasius, she is free to explore the other side of the intersex coin and be the woman she’s always felt she is.

Being both genders has left its scars on Michaela, however. She cannot imagine any man loving her ... never mind a Kalquorian clan made up of three men. Yet joining a clan is her only hope for salvation, her only sure way to escape Earth’s judgment.

Korkla, Govi, and Raxstad can’t believe their luck. They’ve been given the opportunity to court the rarest being in the known universe by the Crown Princes of Kalquor. However, to win the captivating Michaela, they must first get past her despair and self-doubt ... not to mention a jealous ex-girlfriend and murderous kidnappers. Still, saving the intersex Earther from others is not half as daunting as saving her from herself.

Please note: this story contains graphic depictions of men loving men and men loving an intersex (male/female) individual. Elements of BDSM, including discipline and bondage, are included.

This is a companion story to Clans of Kalquor 2: Alien Rule.


Michaela had never danced with such passion before. Maybe it was because of the thousands of intoxicating flowers ornamenting the city’s center. They sent their aphrodisiacal scent to fill her lungs and erase her nervousness of sexual promise. Maybe it was the sight of the stone altar across the square. It was upon that surface where she’d watched Plasian youths give their virginity in celebration of reaching the age of consent. Maybe it was the sheer joy of dancing a wild entreaty to violent sex, with light manacles and chains around her wrists.

More probably it was the sight of three Kalquorians at the foot of the stage, glowering at her with barely contained ferocity.

Seeing those purple eyes riveted on her made Michaela’s head swim more than the aroma of the flowers. Korkla, Raxstad, and Govi were obviously pissed off. They were also blatantly aroused.

Michaela was barely aware of anything else. She knew Jessica danced on the other side of the stage with the Crown Prince Clan watching her. Many Plasians crowded against the massive Kalquorians and the stage, watching them perform. Some fucked each other in broad daylight. The festival looked primed to descend into a mass orgy at any moment. It probably would the moment the dance ended.

Michaela paid the Plasians no mind. She didn’t even think about the hideous statue that loomed over the altar several yards away, though it was the vision of nightmares. To Michaela, the thing looked like a winged Plasian, if said Plasian was half bat and half dead oak tree. Jessica had said it was one of the planet’s ancient and forgotten deities. Michaela thought the thing should not just be forgotten, but also destroyed. Seeing the young people shedding their virginity under the leering creature had been downright creepy.

Then Clan Korkla had shown up, and all of Michaela’s thoughts of the ugly statue had ceased to exist. Her heart leapt with savage joy to see them arrive, looking furious enough to storm backstage where she watched them while hidden behind curtains. Her plan to make them jealous had worked. Now she had to make them mad with lust as well, mad enough to claim her without any more caution.

She’d taken the stage with a vengeance, matching the men’s black stares with her own. They had courted her and turned her away. They had teased her and left her wanting. Spurred by agonized wanting and the inhibition-killing flowers, Michaela was determined to have her way.

I will have you, she thought at the men as she defied their anger with a dance every bit as ferocious as their expressions. Every step she performed was a blatant dare for them to take her.

You cannot resist me. Make me yours.

She’d watched the newly matured Plasian girls give up their virginity on the altar. Now it was Michaela’s turn. She would not be denied. Not this time. Not ever again.

You want me. Take me now!

The fierce drumbeats suddenly ended, finishing the dance. Michaela dropped to the stage, playing the role of the reluctantly vanquished slave girl, overcome and submitting to her masters. Tumultuous applause crashed against her ears, applause she cared nothing for. She lay gasping for air, waiting to see if fantasy would consent to become reality.

Something low and dangerous rumbled over the cheers. It started off like a distant roll of thunder, and then grew to the sound of an enraged animal growling. Michaela’s heart, already galloping from the exertion of the energetic dance, pounded faster than ever. She raised her head and looked toward the bestial noise.

There was the blurred motion of something leaping from the ground onto the stage. Then Raxstad appeared, standing over her with fangs bared. The huge Nobek looked bigger than Michaela remembered him being. His muscular shoulders were a mile across. His reaching hands were bear paws. He resembled nothing remotely civilized.

Amazon, Amazon UK, Smashwords, Nook, and . print

Friday, October 24, 2014

Chasing Delia

My book The Loved One is now titled Chasing Delia, and it's going to be available for purchase in a few weeks!!

I know you're excited as I am. To celebrate this momentous occasion I thought I'd share an excerpt from my upcoming book. Jake--our hunky hero-- is about to chastise Delia's bottom.

     “Now I owe you a spanking.” 
       Her cloud of contentment cleared a bit at his words. “Spanking? For what?”
       He brought himself down to cover her again. His weight felt delicious as he nibbled kisses down her neck. He paused in his kisses giving her a serious look. “Honestly, I've wanted to spank you since the day I saw you lying over that hospital bed, this delectable bottom covered in those big floral panties.” So saying he gave her tush a squeeze. “I won't ever be able to see big floral panties without getting an erection ever again.”
       She giggled and he continued, “Then you stole my wallet and I knew I didn't just want to spank you. You deserved a spanking,”
       At this she huffed, “Borrowed. I borrowed your money. I left all your credit cards, IDs and wallet.”
       He just gave her a stern look before continuing, “Then there is the fact you went out last night wearing little more than an eye patch as a shirt.”
       “I was wearing quite a bit more than an eye patch!”
       He continued as if she hadn't spoken, “And you proceeded to get so drunk you ended up puking and passing out on me. What if I hadn't been around last night, Del? What if some other guy had taken you home?”
       When put like that, she felt chastised. She had just needed to let go for a while, but drinking herself to oblivion at a bar wasn't the way to do it. She wanted to crawl into a hole as she remembered getting sick in front of him. A little bit on him. And in front of Steven. Maybe she'd feel better after a spanking. In a small voice she asked, “You really want to give me a spanking?”
       “I've never had a spanking before.”
       “Never? Not even when you were little?”
       “No, I was in and out of foster care. Foster parents aren't allowed to spank us. Only their own kids. The ones I was sent to mostly made me pray for forgiveness. And pray I didn't end up like my mama. And my mama, when she had me, was more likely to slap my face than my bottom. I got good at not being noticeable.”
       He pulled a face of concern, “Maybe this isn't a good idea.”
       “No” She grabbed him before he could roll off her. “Please, I think you should spank me.” She wasn't sure why she was now trying to talk him into spanking her, but she knew at that moment that if he didn't spank her she'd be a little bit devastated. He wanted to spank her, she'd seen that desire clear across his face, and she wanted nothing more than to please him. “I do deserve a spanking Jake. I've been a naughty girl.”
        She said it matter of fact, but interest flared to life in his eyes, and a certain interest indicator pressed against her belly through his jeans, like she had been trying to be dirty. He was smiling again and it felt like lying in the sunshine. “I've never spanked a woman before.”
       She liked hearing that. She shouldn't be so thrilled that she was going to be the first woman he hit, but that's not what it felt like. It felt more intimate. Sexy even.
       He got up and she instantly missed his warmth. He pulled her up, kissing her deeply before easing her down over his lap. She had never felt so vulnerable and exposed. He ran a hand down her back, smoothing over her bottom and thighs. The caress made her want to purr. She wiggled on his lap against the erection at her hip. 

With the delivery of one Dear John letter and a set of divorce papers, Delia Myers is on a her way to self discovery. First stop: Embracing she's a terrible judge of character. Especially when it comes to men.

Jake Forrester is a small town cop, who is beyond charming, and hunky enough to have every female in a hundred mile radius panting after him. Basically everything she is trying to avoid. Too bad he's been determined to chase after her from the second he's laid eyes on her over sized floral granny panties.

She may run, but can she hide from love?

Warning; Contains one no-good, cheating ex-husband, a heroine with a propensity to make a run for it, and a hero that has a new found love for spanking a certain sassy woman who runs from him.  

Chasing Delia is a contemporary romance with spanking--because those are the best kind.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Erotica and Reality

* * * *

Who doesn't love a good love scene that gets your heart pumping and your imagination orbiting into sensual fantasy land? Trying new things can lead to some of the best sex you've ever had but always remember what happens in fiction shouldn't always translate into reality.

 Here's some things you may want to skip;
    ~Food and things like liquid chocolate/caramel/honey in and on your southern orifices may seem like a wickedly good time. In reality they may lead to all kinds of nasty infections and allergic reactions. So, no grabbing the chocolate syrup out of the fridge to use for lube. You may be able to eat a cucumber but discover inserting it other places leads to hives and an interesting doctors visit. That's not a good day. There are fantastic edible alternatives online and at your local naughty stores that are more likely to jive with your sensitive parts.

     That twinkie dildo seemed like a good idea at the time..

    ~Random rounded objects, long objects and/or marbles, pearls, and beads not intended for sexual use, balls ect. These materials weren't made to go in your special places and regular strand beads and pearls are more likely to break and get lost inside you mid play. 

    The medical society released a list of objects regularly retrieved from the rectum at emergency rooms across the country. Pearls and marbles are on the list enough to know it's a common mistake. Don't reach for grannies hand-me-down pearls. Go pick-up the sturdy ones meant to withstand the mighty clench of the sphincter. 

    You'll be glad you did. You don't want to be on TLC's Sex Sent Me To The ER for anything having to do with "anal retrieval." 

    Wait..No pearls?! But pearls are just so damn sexy!

    I know, I love pearl play too. I've read some wicked things done with pearls in multiple books and not just in lady part play. In a story I recently read the lead male put a pearl on the heroines tongue to indicate their session had begun. She was not allowed to talk and needed to obey his every command.

    My panties were soaked and it was only a historical romance. It was beyond hot and I would love if my husband did this, yet all I could think was, I would be choking on that thing before my first orgasm! I guess sometimes the risk is worth the reward.

    ~Double dipping the honey well, in other words no ass to vagina. What's been in your bottom should be cleaned (condoms should be changed) before dipping back into your vagina. This includes, fingers, toys and manly erections.

    ~Air Dusters. I read a "holy mother of hottness" scene where the lead male tied up his woman and blasted her clit with an air duster. Can you imagine? I was so turned on by this I picked up a can the next time I was at the store, but my rational husband asked, “Is that safe?”

    I thought, of course, it's just a awesome blast of air, but it got me thinking, so I Googled and I'm glad I did.The air from an air duster is actually Nitrogen Dioxide, a acrid brown poison gas, not oxygen. It can and will cause freezer burn on the skin with welts and white spots. Even after applying warm water to the skin blasted by the air duster, the skin will remain swollen and painful for hours after.


    My hot adventurous night of lovin' almost turned into a few days of misery and a wounded clit!

    p.s. Even knowing the 'dangers' I still kinda wanna do that one. ; )

Be adventurous and break out of the norm, but be wise! 
Bottoms up, and enjoy!

Friday, October 10, 2014

Anal Punishment or Play: Hot or Not?

Thank you Corinne Alexander for hosting this spanking round table discussion. I haven't participated in a long time, but when I saw the topic I knew I had to post.

Anal Punishment or Play: Hot or Not?

If you've read my blog you know which side of the street I stand on this topic. I love the butt sex. I love the idea of butt sex and I love reading about butt sex. I wasn't always so accepting, though. Like many readers, I spent much of my life blissfully unaware that women participate in and <gasp> enjoy anal sex. It wasn't until my early twenties that my bubble of innocence burst.

I was at first horrified and saddened. There's a much more hospital hole right up front, I thought. It's called the vagina. It's self lubricating and comes with a super power button at the top of the opening. If you press the button fireworks go off. I was sure if gay men had a vagina between their ball-sack and butt hole they'd be using it instead of the ass.

I had friends that were having wishy-washy anal experiences and a I was firmly on the exit only shelf. That was until I read NJ Walters Christina's Tapestry. That was the first DP menage book I had ever read and call me intrigued. I was very interested in exploring that fantasy further. Then around the same time I read Robin Schone's The Lover. Then Gabiel's Woman.

Those were total game changers for me. In all honesty my husband should have written these authors letters of thanks. After I read Gabriel's Woman I told my husband I would like to try anal. He was surprised since I'd told him early in our relationship that was not on the table. Ever.

He played it cool and acted like it was no big deal...

But inside I know he was all...

I'm now very pro-anal but I'm also pro doing it properly. Many people do it wrong and it can be damaging to the anal canal. Knowing how influential books are in my life I actually had a hard time reading easy A books. This is when the fictional characters in your book are swept up in the moment and decide to enjoy some anal with virgin ass. Our hero shoves his great big appendage in the tiny untried opening on the first try. No problem, bleeding, or screams of horrific pain.

We all know there is no such thing as easy A. Easy A is as big a fantasy as the woman that can eat whatever she wants and only gains weight in her chest. Her ever perky chest.

It wasn't until a few years after anal started regularly showing up in my books that I read a book that featured anal sex as a punishment. As in the female wasn't necessarily supposed to enjoy. It was Morgan Hawke's Victorious Star. I felt somewhat conflicted. It had a great dubious consent feel which is a favorite of mine. But, I was still having hang-ups about people understanding that anal sex should be pleasurable and done safely and accurately.

 I'm like a walking PSA, I know.

Please practice safe, well lubricated anal sex.
 Always warm up and stretch the hole before use.

Victorious Star is a super sci-fi and is fully immersed  in a very fantastical world, so I accepted the anal punishment and hazing.

The first time I really read a contemporary, "You've been a naughty girl so you're going to get painfully f*&%ed in the bottom," was hard for me. I blew hot and cold. I didn't like that is was being used as something that should be disliked and avoided. Again my inner PSA voice was getting loud. It was much harder for me to read. I think part of it was this particular book. I've read others stories by authors like Natasha Knight and I loved the anal punishment.

When I thought about it I realized that most BDSM books I read feature anal sex as being fairly punishing, if not meant for punishment. It's really about how it's done. I love the gasp and whimper of a first timer, or someone who hasn't done it in a long time. I love the acceptance along with the delicious feelings of being violated. I can mentally feel the nervous excitement as well as pleasure that is about to be had. It's such an intense sensation.

I'm still not a big fan of a character that isn't really enjoying the anal sex. I do however love when there is a ton of trepidation and begging not to do it and it's somewhat forced, but enjoyed. That is my favorite to read. Whether it's a cock or a plug being forced in there, I'm about it.

Now for enemas and figging. They both are really growing in popularity as anal punishments. They're almost as big as spanking these days and seem to always be involved in naughty bottom punishments. Enemas are featured frequently in BDSM slave, pet, and age play. I personally prefer extreme vagueness when it comes to Enemas. Extreme. Vagueness.

This is for two reason.

The first (and super big) reason is I've had enemas. The result is always the same. I vomit when I get flushed out. I vomit then I go to the bathroom for hours after. Painful stomach cramps are involved. I cannot read enema play without thinking of the very realistic ramifications I personally experience.

It is what it is. And it isn't sexy. (I'd make a lousy porn star)

The second reason is because of my damn inner PSA!! I've got Debby Downer reminding me it's not recommended or medically sound to do in real life. I get the appeal. It seems like a great idea. Who doesn't want to have a super clean hole to bang? All I can think about is how it weakens the anal canal, strips the lining and promotes easy tearing to the rectal lining. It's actually recommended to wait two to three days after an enema before participating in anal intercourse of any kind.

That goes through my head with the voice from the 60 Minutes guy--and the ticking--every time I read an after enema hard core sex scene.

As for figging. It's just okay. I've read it plenty of times but haven't done it in real life. It's a shrug for me. Nothing about speaks to me. I get how it could be appealing. I'm actually surprised by my lack of enthusiasm about figging. It seems like it would be right up my alley. (pun not intended, but still enjoyed)

Now you know. I'm a big fan of romantic anal sex in literature and a mediocre fan of anal punishment. I have contingencies. I'm all about penetration. My favorite is reading about taking a big plug, dildo, or cock there in a punishing but well lubricated and lovingly dirty manner.

Any of that surprise you? Be sure to check out everyone's posts and join the discussion!!!

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Nicholas Sparks Can Suck A Bag Of Dicks

Okay, maybe that's a little harsh. I'm just fed up with his sad bastard ways, at the moment. I have a serious love/hate relationship with his work. Let me explain.

The movie Message in a Bottle came out in 99'. Back then we didn't know that being a character in a Nicholas Sparks novel was akin to a death sentence. I read four Nicholas Sparks titles after Message in a Bottle came out. The most beloved characters in all four books died tragically.

Ugh, okay. I get it. There are just some authors you know what you're getting when you go into it. If I read a Catherine Anderson novel I know the H or h will have been survivors of horribleness. If you're a H/h  in her books and you weren't super raped, your family was probably killed in the most tragic scenario possible. I know this going into a Catherine Anderson novel. It's a guarantee. I get it.

And honestly, I read Walk To Remember knowing that I was reading this girl's death story. I was okay with that. I saw the movie knowing the ending would not change. Death was imminent. I also went into The Notebook knowing it was going to be sad as f*&%. I was okay with that.

But then Nights In Rodanthe just pissed me off. I didn't know it was a Nicholas Sparks. I only watched the movie. It was like City of Angels all over again. (and no, that wasn't a NS but it should have been)

Thank heaven for Dear John. The ending is somewhat anti-climatic in it's epilogue-eskness. We at least get a sense of HEA, but by 2010 when this movie is released and book sales are booming we all are poised and ready for tragic death. I'm sure I'm not the only one that expected Channing Tatum to bite a bullet.

I'm in a Nicholas Sparks movie and the military. 
If I survive it will be a miracle!!  

I'm not going to talk about The Last Song because it was just okay, (I'm assuming the book was better) but at least it has a HEA despite the death of the main character's father. Which is good because then Nicholas Sparks put out, The Lucky One. Guess who wasn't so lucky in The Lucky One? The main character that dies. That's who. This was followed by Safe Haven. Guess who isn't safe? You guessed it. The main characters.

By the time Safe Haven came out I was cursing Nicholas Sparks name, and not trusting him at all. He puts out books I think I want to read and movies I so want to watch. But I don't. Not really. Because they always lift me up onto the platform of hope and everlasting love and then crash me against the shores into the ugly bitter reality of NO-HAPPY-FRICKIN-ENDING-EVER-LAND.

I've stopped reading the books, but why the hell do I keep watching the movies?!

I had made a promise to myself to not watch these things anymore. Every time I pass a book by him in a store I get irrationally irate. It's not a healthy cycle.

Well, you may have noticed the trailers for The Best Of Me, in theaters October 17th.

What romance loving chick didn't see that trailer and want to go see it? There's new, up and coming actor, Luke Bracey. 

Who looks like he's Jon Bon Jovi's kid. 

But then he grows up and turns into a rough and tumble James Marsden. Which is totally plausible. Why not? Who didn't want to have sex with a young Jon Bon Jovi in 1994 and have him morph into James Marsden by 2014. I'm telling you, the guys I went to high school with aren't aging half as well as the people in the movies.

I was pumped to see this flick. Super pumped. I had the female friends of mine I was going to drag the theater with me all lined up in my mind. I would have gone on my own if need be. I was prepared to get my sentimental love story on. Then at the end of the TV trailer the announcer guy says, "Directed by Michael Hoffman, in collaboration with Nicholas Sparks."

NOOOoOOOooOOooo!!! Nicholas Sparks kept echoing through my head. The grim reaper of literature just shat on my girly movie. And maybe my disdain for Nicholas Sparks makes me a little less of a girly girl. I would just like one damn quality girly movie I'm not waiting for someone to get hit by a city bus. Is that too much to ask? Are there no other sappy-ass screen play writers in Hollywood right now? An unknown entity that doesn't kill people off?

Heck, Meet Joe Black was about the Grim Reaper and had ten times more of a happy ending than anything by Nicolas Sparks. I don't mind my characters suffering. Make them suffer screen play writers. Put them through the wringer. Then give them something to live for. I want to be raised to the platform of hope and everlasting love, then allowed to bask in a HEA that isn't realistic in the frickin' least. To me, THAT is how a girly movie should be done.

Is that too much too ask?