Wednesday, August 21, 2019

When Reading Becomes Literary Masochism

For the first time in a long time I eschewed from my life, responsibilities, and general hygiene in order to read a book straight through.

Broken Knight, by L J Shen...

This one sneaked up me. I figured I'd like it. I wasn't prepared to get consumed.

I'm not sure if it's considered teen adult or YA, or New Adult. There's sex, drugs, and a ton of angst. Some readers don't like books about angsty teenagers who are young adults making stupid decisions. This book isn't for those readers.

It's from the All Saints High series, which is a spin off of Shen's dirtier, more adult series, Sinners of Saint. I had a feeling this book was going to be devastating for me. Ruckus, the parent book to Broken Knight, is one of my all time favorite books, and features Dean Cole and Rosie Leblanc, Knight Cole's parents.

Did you follow that?

The MCs from Ruckus are the parents of the MC in Broken Knight.




In the original Sinner of Saints series we not only fall in love with Rosie Leblanc. We also fall into realistic worry. She has cystic fibrosis, with a guaranteed shortened life expectancy. It's a real illness with real expectations of a crappy outcome.

Now, with some authors we may feel some trepidation about the fate of Rosie, but in the back of our minds know the author will work fictional miracles and save her life.

But here's the thing. L.J. Shen tends to like to drag her readers' hearts through trenches of mud covered barbwire until they're torn open, bleeding and broken. She lets the raw, jagged wounds sting and fester into an agonizing mess before handing over any kind of healing balm.

I mean that in a good way.

I wont tell you the outcome of Ruckus or The Sinners of Saint series, but I will say it was bittersweet, and ended when they were still relatively young. Somewhere around their mid to late twenties. Early thirties.

So, when I realized the MC of this book, Knight Cole, was Rosie and Dean's teen adult child, I knew things were going to get real. And I wasn't wrong.

Reading this book is akin to tethering your ankle to a cinder block, then willingly dumping said block and yourself into the ocean, slowly sinking to the bottom. Slowly drowning. Aching to breathe. And just when you think all hope is lost, the tether is cut and you're brought to the surface, gasping in painful lungfuls of air.

But you're still not in the clear.

No, you still have to make it to the shore, while relentlessly getting hammered by crushing waves. Jellyfish repeatedly stinging you until you make it to the shallows. To hope. And with sand under your toes, and head above water, you manage to drag yourself to shore, so gloriously happy to be alive.

More gloriously happy to feel alive than you've ever felt, due to the struggle it took to get there. But more physically and emotionally spent than you've ever been in your life.

That's what reading this book is like.

Again, I mean that in a good way.

I didn't cry the most I've ever cried over a book--and believe me, there were points I blubber-snot ugly cried. I didn't connect to the MCs more than I've ever connected to characters. But I loved all the characters and was so drawn in to each and ever single one of their journeys.

Now, I also have five previous books of emotional involvement with all the characters in this book, so it cut deep. There are a slew of secondary characters. I was in the trenches for all the emotional ups and downs. I felt every single one of them. Shen has a wonderful way of showcasing emotional turmoil and misunderstandings from every angle. She loves ripping a reader's heart out, and I. Was. There. For. It.

But this type of reading is a form of emotional masochism.

When you get this beat up over a read and still want to go back for more, you're a literary masochist. That's what that is. It's reading books like, The Notebook or Me Before You or Ryan's Bed. It's willingly letting yourself be cut open and bleeding all over the pages, and asking for more.

And it's absolutely one of the most satisfying experiences you'll ever have.

So, are you a literary masochist?

What was the last book that tore open your heart and sewed it back together?

If you're heading into a deep read, remember to stock up on chocolate, have a snack stash, and stay hydrated. An all consuming read can take a lot out of you!

Happy Reading!

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

TMI TUESDAY: Clit Sucking Vibrators

The invention of the vibrator is what makes up for centuries of cruel inventions like high heels, corsets, and chastity belts.

If you or anyone you know have seen this man's peen, please call 867-5309

I for one consider a great many vibes to be relationship enhancers. Marital aides. Something to spice up the week. Bullets and wands are fun for all. And they're easy on the male ego. Some men love wielding a vibe. It's all part of their campaign to destroy and conquer your fun bits.

If you have a male S.O. who is not enamored with your favorite motorized relaxation device, try using it on their shaft or perineum while giving him head. Let him see they aren't enemies or competitors.

They are friends.

They should hang out more.

A few weeks ago I became aware of a new vibe in town. It's a special vibe a lot of ladies have been posting about. It's got a new design, and well, it doesn't just vibrate. It sucks. Your clitoris to be exact.

It has clitoral suction capabilities.

I know, right?

Intrigued as I was, I really didn't think it would work. Then I kept seeing more posts about it. THEN a friend messaged me and told me she got one, and she orgasmed in 15 seconds, hands free!!

Skeptical of the majestic motorized beast's magical powers, I headed over to Amazon and one-clicked. 

Tracy's Dog.

Yes, it's by a company named Tracy's Dog. One can only hope pet play of the human variety was involved. I for one would never refer to anything I insert into my favorite bits or let suck on my happy bundle as my dog. But to each their own.

I've renamed mine Jack. Like jackrabbit, or Jack the Ripper, because it's lively, aggressive, and is capable of tearing a hoe up.

I'm not sure if it's as much of a relationship enhancer as a relationship replacement device. Your S.O. has every right to be jealous of this thing. All it's lacking is the ability to cuddle. Once that's figured out, everyone else is obsolete. Stock up on solar chargers in case of catastrophe, and you're set for life. 

The actual product is well made, and much larger than I thought it was going to be. It comes with a USB charging cord, and charges fast and easy. 

Now, that's all well and good, but let's talk about the nitty-gritty of this thing, because holy Toledo, does it get into your nitties and gritties. Hold your tatas, from here on out TMI Tuesday is going to earn its title. 

Okay, there are two settings on this thing. Suction and vibe. They work in tandem, but you activate them separately. I went with suction first, which may be where I errored.

And there was trial and error.

The insert end wouldn't go in all the way at first. Which was nice. Made me feel like I had a snug little lady.

Oh no, my vagina is too small for your manly contraption, sir! 

This thing isn't huge by any means, but I was obviously having a shallow lady-canal day. As complimentary as the experience was, because I couldn't get it to go in all the way, I couldn't get it to suction onto my coochie nipple. The suction device was landing somewhere north of where it needed to be.

It was a situation. And honestly, at that point I didn't think it was going to work.

So, I turned on the vibe. You know, to loosen things up. It worked, BUT I was still working through the million vibe settings on this thing when everything happened all at once. The vibe hit rocket ship mode, and Mr. Suction Cup latched on to my lady-wang with the power of a thousand Dyson vacuum cleaners.

Side note: Always test new vibe settings outside of the body first.

Here I was, getting power blasted from the inside, valiantly trying to find a lower setting, and the suction device on my clit, suuuuuuuuuuucked.  

I believe what transpired in those moments will likely be the closest thing to an exorcism that I will ever experience. 

While every muscle in my body was locked and twisted in a panicked state, I couldn't get the suction to unclamp. I couldn't think to turn the power off. And I couldn't get my legs to unclamp...

A struggle ensued. 

There was screaming.

And growling.

And tears.

I had to go full out Fight Club on it to get it off.

When it was over... well...

We've all been there.

Now, would I recommend this product to others?


I would warn people to try the vibe settings first. For those of you with delicate little lady gardens, this may not be your everyday casual vibe. You may not be reaching for it when you need a little pick-me-up, or nightcap before bed.

But on days you need a super charged jill-off to help you feel alive? When you need a new exciting vibrator experience? When you want to electrify your soul and resurrect your spirit?

Jack is your guy.

I'm happy to report the second voyage aboard the S.S. Lady Killer went much smoother. Toes still curled. Eyes still rolled back. I still muttered quite a few obscenities, but no clits were injured.

Tracy's Dog is a horrible name for a clit sucking vibrator, but I now have a full understanding of why there are so many positive reviews on this thing.

If you have any rewards points on your credit card, this is what those are for.


Buy Links:

Tracy's Dog

Off Brand Clit Sucking Wand