Ownership Vs. Humiliation

Thank you Spanking Romance and Joelle Casteel for hosting today's Spanking Round Table Discussion! We have a great topic today:

Ownership vs. Humiliation.

For me it's not a versus as much as an and.

The first thought that came to my mind when I read the word humiliation was punishment. To me if I'm getting spanked, I'm being dominated. And getting spanked while in a loving relationship to me feels like my ass is my dominate's ass to spank or punish as he sees fit. In other words, I feel owned.

I don't think ownership is always black and white. Often there is gray area, and in that area lies the feelings being owned evoke. Or the feelings you want it to evoke.

I want to feel cared for and cherished, but...sometimes I want to explore the darker side of the gray area.

How much you will feel humiliated on any level, sexual or otherwise, depends on your concept of humiliation which differs for everyone.

Domination/Ownership and me: I really like the fight. I like to be made to submit. I want to feel my spanker/dominate's superiority and be annoyed by it. That's my thing. I don't want to come willingly. I'm going to do things to intentionally get spanked/punished in a way that is out of my control. This in turn is going to cause some humiliation with a touch of fear. That's the kind of humiliation spanking that is going to trip my trigger. I don't get into extreme humiliation, but I'm quite positive the humiliation and degradation I like would be a hard limit for someone else.

And really, it's a mind set.

Quite honestly when I read a punishment spanking scene the humiliation is implied whether the author intended or not, because that's what I would be feeling. That's were my mind goes. I"m often drawn to the humiliation punishments, even though my mind rebels against them.

Some of my favorite books--with or without spanking--have dehumanization themes. The three that first came to my mind were Maren Smith's Pets, C. L. Scholey Bay's Mercenary, and Cara Bristol's Breeder. Bay's Mercenary isn't even spanking or erotic, but it turned me on big time. And the heroine in Breeder, Omra, doesn't have a concept of humiliation in what is happening to her, but you the reader feels it for her nonetheless.

In all these stories the women are owned, and even though the women are well taken care of, they are seen as pets who aren't an intelligent species. They are made to do things they don't want to do. They are chastised/punished in ways they wouldn't choose, by men that feel they are superior to these women in every way.

The whole process is humiliating.

It's why I love sci-fi. The theme of humiliating dehumanization is a big one. Ownership is often horribly humiliating before it becomes liberating in these books. The owner always has a superiority complex.

 

Okay, I may have a thing for hunky aliens, too. 

Humiliation before liberation is also something that really trips my trigger when reading dark erotica. Kitty Thomas's Comfort Food is a great example of a woman that is broken down in every way, fights against being owned, until finally she's liberated by being owned--by a sadist with a superiority complex. There's a twist to that, but what is dark erotica without a psychological twist?

Don't get me wrong. I also love books like Cherise Sinclair's To Command and Collar, which is an extremely loving M/s story with a Master who has an understated superiority complex. I'm just more likely to read M/s stories like Cari Silverwood's Make Me Yours Evermore, which is loving in its own f*&%ed up non-loving way. And Master is a sadist with a giant superiority complex.

So, yes to it all. I would like my spankings to be caring, humiliating shows of ownership by a loving man with a superiority complex. Easy peasy, right?



And since I feel weird not having at least one ridiculous meme;

 

Join the discussion! And be sure to check out all the Ownership/Humiliation posts!!

Anal Punishment or Play: Hot or Not?

Thank you Corinne Alexander for hosting this spanking round table discussion. I haven't participated in a long time, but when I saw the topic I knew I had to post.

Anal Punishment or Play: Hot or Not?

If you've read my blog you know which side of the street I stand on this topic. I love the butt sex. I love the idea of butt sex and I love reading about butt sex. I wasn't always so accepting, though. Like many readers, I spent much of my life blissfully unaware that women participate in and <gasp> enjoy anal sex. It wasn't until my early twenties that my bubble of innocence burst.

I was at first horrified and saddened. There's a much more hospital hole right up front, I thought. It's called the vagina. It's self lubricating and comes with a super power button at the top of the opening. If you press the button fireworks go off. I was sure if gay men had a vagina between their ball-sack and butt hole they'd be using it instead of the ass.

I had friends that were having wishy-washy anal experiences and a I was firmly on the exit only shelf. That was until I read NJ Walters Christina's Tapestry. That was the first DP menage book I had ever read and call me intrigued. I was very interested in exploring that fantasy further. Then around the same time I read Robin Schone's The Lover. Then Gabiel's Woman.

Those were total game changers for me. In all honesty my husband should have written these authors letters of thanks. After I read Gabriel's Woman I told my husband I would like to try anal. He was surprised since I'd told him early in our relationship that was not on the table. Ever.

He played it cool and acted like it was no big deal...

But inside I know he was all...

I'm now very pro-anal but I'm also pro doing it properly. Many people do it wrong and it can be damaging to the anal canal. Knowing how influential books are in my life I actually had a hard time reading easy A books. This is when the fictional characters in your book are swept up in the moment and decide to enjoy some anal with virgin ass. Our hero shoves his great big appendage in the tiny untried opening on the first try. No problem, bleeding, or screams of horrific pain.

We all know there is no such thing as easy A. Easy A is as big a fantasy as the woman that can eat whatever she wants and only gains weight in her chest. Her ever perky chest.

It wasn't until a few years after anal started regularly showing up in my books that I read a book that featured anal sex as a punishment. As in the female wasn't necessarily supposed to enjoy. It was Morgan Hawke's Victorious Star. I felt somewhat conflicted. It had a great dubious consent feel which is a favorite of mine. But, I was still having hang-ups about people understanding that anal sex should be pleasurable and done safely and accurately.

 I'm like a walking PSA, I know.

Please practice safe, well lubricated anal sex.

 Always warm up and stretch the hole before use.

Victorious Star is a super sci-fi and is fully immersed  in a very fantastical world, so I accepted the anal punishment and hazing.

The first time I really read a contemporary, "You've been a naughty girl so you're going to get painfully f*&%ed in the bottom," was hard for me. I blew hot and cold. I didn't like that is was being used as something that should be disliked and avoided. Again my inner PSA voice was getting loud. It was much harder for me to read. I think part of it was this particular book. I've read others stories by authors like Natasha Knight and I loved the anal punishment.

When I thought about it I realized that most BDSM books I read feature anal sex as being fairly punishing, if not meant for punishment. It's really about how it's done. I love the gasp and whimper of a first timer, or someone who hasn't done it in a long time. I love the acceptance along with the delicious feelings of being violated. I can mentally feel the nervous excitement as well as pleasure that is about to be had. It's such an intense sensation.

I'm still not a big fan of a character that isn't really enjoying the anal sex. I do however love when there is a ton of trepidation and begging not to do it and it's somewhat forced, but enjoyed. That is my favorite to read. Whether it's a cock or a plug being forced in there, I'm about it.

Now for enemas and figging. They both are really growing in popularity as anal punishments. They're almost as big as spanking these days and seem to always be involved in naughty bottom punishments. Enemas are featured frequently in BDSM slave, pet, and age play. I personally prefer extreme vagueness when it comes to Enemas. Extreme. Vagueness.

This is for two reason.

The first (and super big) reason is I've had enemas. The result is always the same. I vomit when I get flushed out. I vomit then I go to the bathroom for hours after. Painful stomach cramps are involved. I cannot read enema play without thinking of the very realistic ramifications I personally experience.

It is what it is. And it isn't sexy. (I'd make a lousy porn star)

The second reason is because of my damn inner PSA!! I've got Debby Downer reminding me it's not recommended or medically sound to do in real life. I get the appeal. It seems like a great idea. Who doesn't want to have a super clean hole to bang? All I can think about is how it weakens the anal canal, strips the lining and promotes easy tearing to the rectal lining. It's actually recommended to wait two to three days after an enema before participating in anal intercourse of any kind.

That goes through my head with the voice from the 60 Minutes guy--and the ticking--every time I read an after enema hard core sex scene.

As for figging. It's just okay. I've read it plenty of times but haven't done it in real life. It's a shrug for me. Nothing about speaks to me. I get how it could be appealing. I'm actually surprised by my lack of enthusiasm about figging. It seems like it would be right up my alley. (pun not intended, but still enjoyed)

Now you know. I'm a big fan of romantic anal sex in literature and a mediocre fan of anal punishment. I have contingencies. I'm all about penetration. My favorite is reading about taking a big plug, dildo, or cock there in a punishing but well lubricated and lovingly dirty manner.

Any of that surprise you? Be sure to check out everyone's posts and join the discussion!!!

Dynamic Beginnings

spankingromance.com

I'm so excited to be participating my first Spanking Round Table Discussion. Thank you, Lucy Appleby for hosting this week's discussion! We have a great group of authors and bloggers today. Please feel free to take off your pants, make yourself comfortable, and see what everyone has to say. 

Today the topic is Spanking Romance; The importance of dynamic first chapters, opening paragraphs, and narrative. 

What I have to say I believe stands true for all books, delicious spanking romance very much included. I'll be coming at this from the readers stand point, since, well ...you know. I'm a reader. 

I believe books are like sex and we readers want to be wooed.

There are a lot of fish in the sea.

The cover. The blurb. That's all bait to get us readers in the door. It's just a pick up line. Once we have the sample, we need to feel the chemistry.  If a story doesn't show signs of having a pulse and a personality within the first few paragraphs, what's keeping that reader from deleting that sample and moving on? We readers will know if we feel that chemistry within the first few paragraphs. If the reader is hooked to the first few paragraphs the kissing and heavy petting begins. But only if we find something compelling enough to see what the writer has in store for us.

Is the book quirky and off beat? Am I laughing? Was it the best of times? Was it the worst of times? Is my pulse pounding in terror? My heart breaking in sorrow?

What's the pull?

Whatever it is, make sure that's the first impression I get. If the book is going to be funny, make sure it's doubly so starting off.  

Grab me, reel me in with those first few paragraphs.Get me involved, make me intrigued. Then set the pace, but keep me on the hook. Whether it's going to be fast and hard or a slow seduction, I'm now opening myself to the possibilities. Keep me on the line. This you do with the narrative.

The narrative gives us a clear picture of what's going on, where the story is coming from. Those first chapters set the pace to how things are going to play out. The narrative sets the tone and gets us, the reader, involved. We're meeting the characters. What's our first impression? I believe this is especially important in Spanking Romance because the writer must create a spanking friendly setting or a punishable heroine that is also likable. When I read, historical romance, When A Lady Misbehaves by Michelle Marcos, I 1.wished it were a spanking fiction, and 2. adored the lying, punishable heroine. She's a bad girl and I loved her from the very first page. I loved her enough to remember her seven years after reading the book!

On the other side of that, if a heroine is too affable, too sweet sunshine and roses, the hero is in danger of looking like a nit picky asshole. When reading a spanking fiction I always ask myself, is this a man I want to be spanked by? Those first meetings with the characters are important.

Through the narrative we find out if we want to know the characters better. We find out if we want to read their story.

Every book is a blind date. I sometimes have low expectations when opening a sample. Honest. Everyone has that friend that tells you there's a book you just have to check out. Online recommends are everywhere. Every e-site out there has a recommend list.

We're recommending blah because you bought blah blah. 

I'm always wondering what I'm going to find. I'm always wondering if I will like the characters. Will I be a spectator or will I find the characters relate-able? Emotions are expressed. Voices are raised. Feeling can and should be invoked through the narrative. Concern, humor, fear, arousal, longing. All the things that can trip our triggers.

And we want our triggers tripped.

Repeatedly. 

Sometimes I will find the plot contrived, but if I love the characters and the telling of the story I'm more likely to forgive the things in the story I didn't like.

We are in the age of instant gratification and constant stimuli. We need an appealingly dynamic beginning. If those first few chapters aren't persuasive enough, we readers are going to walk out the door and never look back. Those first few chapters are our foreplay. Give us a reason to take off our pants.  

Hell, make us want to rip off our pants and fling them across the room. Make us want to bend over the side of a couch and take it like a good girl. Make us want to explore things we never knew we craved.

Figuratively speaking of course. Unless the story is going to be hot and dirty. In which case the pants ripping and flinging stands. 

Once the pants are off, we're committed to seeing things through. We'll be panting for more. We wont just want to buy the book, we'll need to buy the book. We'll need to know how things play out. We'll be dying to know if all that build up meets our expectations or leaves us disappointed.

We'll be invested in the outcome of the story.

Not only that, we'll see potential in the author. We'll remember that special something that drew us to that author in the first place. I once read a book, by a spanking romance writer, that was full of potential. I bought it because of that potential. The book ended up being just okay, but I gave that author another shot, because of that special something. I've now bought, and greatly enjoyed, quite a few of her books. All because of how easily I was drawn into that first book that I didn't even really like.

That is the ultimate reason right there. A dynamic beginning shows an author's special something. <-- I guess I could have summed it up with that.

Woo us, win us. Keep us coming back for more.

And remember. A lot of awkwardness in the middle can be forgiven if things start out good and finish great. Leaving your reader positive and happy in the end, goes a long way. But that's a discussion for another day.

Please join the discussion and see what everyone has to say!