Dating While Kinky

Kinky? Who, me?

Honestly, I thought anyone who enjoyed sex was kinky. I was well into my twenties before I found out that there is what are known as vanilla people who enjoy sex, and non vanilla people who also enjoy sex. And the vanilla part has nothing to do with race.

Did you know not everyone enjoys being dominated or dominating someone else?! Like, that's not just a normal part of everyday sex. I for one was shocked. And spanking? Yep, not everyone is into that either.

A ton of girls don't like to be spanked, tied up, or having their nipples manhandled. They feel like certain sexual positions are demeaning, and owning a vibrator is the most risque thing they've ever done in the bedroom--and that was by themselves.

 

I know. Crazy, right?!

I talk to so many people that have done things way beyond my experience level--and read about so many things that are way more everything than what I do at home-- I often forget that the stuff I'm into is considered super kinky. 

Can we talk about this? I'm yellow.Yellow!

Honestly, I think with the right person the things you never thought you'd be into may sound more appealing just because you are so into the person you are doing them with. That was certainly true for me. And I'm very glad to have found my kinky soulmate.

I never want to be single again for so many reasons, but one of them is; I never want to have to go through the dating process, ever again.

It seems like everyone's got a kink, or their own idea or 'normal'. Finding someone whose idea of 'normal' jives with your own is like finding a needle in the haystack. I found my needle, but it wasn't easy.

I have a good gal pal that is twenty-seven, single, and ready to mingle. She often talks about her dating and mating highs and lows. It all sounds so complicated. Every time she's talking about things like Tinder, I feel ancient. Tinder, and the fact she's on it, scares the hell out of me.

Dating nowadays seems like seven levels of hooks-ups, ranging from potential one-night-stand, to hell-I-might-actual-date-this-one.

With those kind of options I imagine dating while horny is a lot like grocery shopping while hungry. You end up with junk you didn't want and forget to get the stuff you needed.

How would anyone--especially newly single ladies--know where to begin to navigate these waters while kinky? Do not despair my single ladies of many varied sexual tastes. You are not alone. To you ladies I present, The Kinky Girl's Guide to Dating by Luna Grey.  

 

AMAZON  

Luna Grey takes you through her friends dating mishaps inside the BDSM world. She tells stories from Maddie a sub and reluctant switch, as well as Suki a Domme who just wants to paddle men's bottoms, naughty or not. 

Their stories range from the mistakes they made just starting out to the mistakes they made as season pros, or as Maddie referred to herself, a spinster sub. 

Peppered through all these tales are Kinky Girl Tips. Some of these tips are humorous and some are downright musts. 

I've often rolled my eyes at the Safe Sane Consensual reminder. Well, duh, I think to myself. Everyone knows that. The sane has always been a no-brainer for me. I think everything through. Who wouldn't be careful and think things through? Who would ignore their instincts? 

 

 Oh, right, everyone, including young single me.

Reading this made me remember all the really stupid, really unsafe things I did, and choices I made when single and horny. Sanity was not part of the equation on many occasions. 

I met guys online. I left parties with men I didn't know. I went off with men who didn't speak English, and ended up in places that were not good at all--without a cell phone, in another country. 

Did I ever set up a safe call?! Did I ever tell anyone the name of who I was with or where I was going? Maybe. Once or twice. Probably not. 

I'm amazed I'm still alive. 

SIDE NOTE:If you just wondered what the hell a safe call is, stop reading this and go buy the book--read it on your lunch break--seriously 

Luna also talks about what it's like to date as a BDSM player and the trials of fetish wear. (I fear PVC and Latex!) I vanilla dated but found I had many similar experiences as these women. No crying transvestites or bull whips, but other stuff...

I also I found it interesting that BDSM vanilla plain clothes dates are a 'getting to know you period' where you decide if your kinks mesh, and if there is any kind of spark. If so negotiations for play are set up. In these negotiations you talk about just wanting to play or wanting more than just a scene every other week. 

Is that what hook-up dating is like? 

Some people just want to find their Dom or Sub that is right for them. Some people are looking for a soulmate whether they be Dom, sub, or vanilla. And some people are looking exclusively for a play partner with no strings attached. 

Again, it sounds like dating nowadays. 

I have to say, I had my own rules and guidelines of dating that were no nonsense, upfront, and honest. I felt a genuine connection to the Kinky Girl's Guide. The book is older, but the advice is not. This book is full of practical advice that really makes sense for vanilla and kinky girls alike.

Go forth, single ladies. And remember to phone a friend before wandering off with that creepy guy that looked so hot after four margaritas.You'll thank yourself in the morning.

AMAZON