Coming Out Kinky; Working The Kinks In

A few weeks ago Spanking Fiction Round Table had a discussion about the vanilla spouse. I've talked about this a few times before, but it's worth repeating.

Opening up to your spouse about any kind of desire you are having, can be challenging. The first year my husband and I lived together   our second dating year together   my hubs said he wanted to try anal.

Who doesn't?

Well... me.. at the time.

His kink-come-out didn't go well at all. I made him feel horribly dirty and perverted for this.

I didn't mean to. I didn't know I made him feel this way until years later. But I was not in the same place as I am now. As much as my body craved kinky things, my mind was firmly in the box. I wasn't even willing to experiment when it came to anal. No way, no how.

Then four years later I read some anal scenes in erotica and wanted to try it. Was my husband resentful of my about-face? Maybe. Not enough to say anything and ruin getting to dip his wick in my derriere.

Around the same time we were trying new things I brought up spanking and liking a little pain. I had ideas of what I wanted, but no clear picture. I was still experimentally spanking myself with belts, spoons, and hair brushes    valiantly hoping they didn't leave a mark.

Me opening up about wanting spankings and a little pain shut down everything. Even the anal play. My kink-come-out was not well received. He said he wanted nothing to do with that "pain shit". Our sex went into the dumpster. He didn't think he was making me happy, I felt like I couldn't please him. I felt frustrated and alone, I'm sure he did too.

Both of us were feeling exposed and self conscious.

Our sex life eventually picked back up, but in a tentative   don't try anything new   way. We got horny and we had sex, but something was missing. It was fine, mostly because we didn't know there could be so much more.

About two years ago, my husband discovered sex radio station on Sirius XM, and everything changed. Listening to other people talk about all the things I wanted to try    all my desires, and bedroom wishes expressed by other people  made them okay.

It's like me reading erotica. I just needed to see anal from a different perspective. And obviously he needed to hear about spanking and domination from someone else.

I will admit I was kind of annoyed and had no idea at the time my feelings made me a hypocrite. I just couldn't understand how it was abnormal and sick when I voiced my desires, but as soon as other people said it, it was okay. I, of course, didn't say any of this at that time to my hubs.

Why ruin a good thing?

We've come a long way. My husband's now into things he wasn't initially all about, because he likes how much they turn me on. He says seeing how hot he can make me from spanking, dirty talk, bondage, etc., makes those activities that much more appealing. He's also discovered a side of himself he didn't know existed.

The best thing that came out of all of this is we can now talk about anything and everything, without fear of judgement. So if you've been in a relationship for a while and your kink-come-out is not going as planned, hang in there. It's a process.

It took my husband and I over ten years to work in the kinks, and we're still working on them years later.

Embrace your kinky side, but don't freak out if your partner isn't as excited about it. Your partner's feeling of not meeting your needs or expectations can put a damper on how well they receive your desire to explore new things.

Be brave, be bold, then be understanding. It's a two way street.

Happy Kink-Come-Out!!