Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Big Spanking Difference




Are you a spankophile? This is someone whose number one turn on is spanking. Nothing gets them going like spanking does. If you're not sure where you fall on the spanking spectrum there's a quiz for that, http://www.okcupid.com/tests/the-spankophile-test.

Spanking is definitely one of the most popular, and greatly received kinks. Some people only spank for pleasure, some people only spank for discipline and it's often used both ways in BDSM, but it's not limited to the BDSM crowd.

There is a whole wide world of spankers and spankies, but one of the biggest cultures in the spanking world is the Domestic Discipline lifestyle spankers. The DD lifestyle is absolutely intriguing to me.

I'm more of a funishment kind of girl myself, so I'm not sure how I would feel about getting my tushy blistered if and when I go over budget. Not to mention I have the power of the veto. The veto is like safewording out of holidays at the in-laws.

I don't think full time subs get the power of the veto in DD or D/s relationships. And from all accounts, while the DD relationship does seem like it's an extremely casual D/s dynamic, it is full time.

Many people argue that the DD relationship is just a D/s relationship with a different name. Eh, maybe, maybe not.

There is a difference between being in a  Dom/sub relationship, with spanking on the menu and or used in discipline, and being in a Domestic Discipline relationship. While the dynamic closely resemble one another there are differences.



Besides the overall mentality, the biggest one is bedroom play and discipline are generally completely separate. Okay, I know they are often separate in D/s relationships also, it just seems different.

While there are couples that are in D/s, M/s relationships that maintain a DD home life, not all the couples in the DD lifestyle are into anything else remotely BDSM.

They are missing out.

Not to mention there are plenty of people who limit their D/s, M/s relationship to the bedroom. I asked my husband if he wanted to experiment and try the DD lifestyle for a week or two. He turned me down flat. He said he likes taking his angst out on me in the bedroom (it's my favorite too) and spankings outside the bedroom would ruin that.

If it ain't broke don't fix it.

DD may be limited to the over all home life and exclude the bedroom. I'm not sure that happens often, but I'm putting it out there. It is possible not everyone in a DD relationship has spanking fetishes.

I'm also sure there are plenty DD couples that love the erotic spanking or get sexual satisfaction from spanking, but that's not why they are doing it.

From my research I would conclude the bedroom may very well be a vanilla place or not, depending on the couple. Sex isn't always the headliner for DD households and in all honesty, every search I did came back to Jesus.

Let me explain.

From what I've found, from almost everything I've found, (sans erotica) the DD lifestyle is actually christian based. The whole concept is founded on the bible.Yep, you can Google Wiki domestic discipline, you can get beginner DD pamphlets http://learningdd.com/ , and it's going to mention consensual discipline in a marriage according to Christ somewhere in there.


Yeah, I was blindsided by that one too.


I shouldn't have been so surprised. My husband's favorite part our wedding was the preacher's 'submit and forgive' spiel. My husband maintains the preacher said 'submit and obey' and that when said preacher was reading Ephesians 5:22 Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife... he was looking directly at me.

For the record, I wanted a shaman to do the ceremony.

With that being said, there are DD sites that promote non-christian based DD, and I haven't read one spanking book featuring DD that brings religion into it.

Either way, in a DD relationship, the man is the HoH (head of house) and the woman is the submissive who should defer to the HoH. This is a consensual practice and I would hope they all have safewords. Most of these couples practice this lifestyle to promote and maintain harmony in the marriage. After discipline all is forgiven and forgotten. Spanking strikes out dissonance, as well as acting as a healing balm to issues that may otherwise fester.

Put that way, why wouldn't you do it?



Much like the Dom, in a D/s relationship, the HoH must invoke the complete trust and support of his submissive. He must be consistent, and attentive. There should be rules and guidelines to follow. There should always be respectful communication. Also like the D/s relationships the submissive must be able to wholly give herself over to the HoH.

Unlike a D/s or M/s relationship, as far as I know, the HoH does not have his submissive follow the protocols that are traditionally BDSM such as kneeling, collar wear, sitting at his feet, and calling him by a specific title such as Sir or Master. Although the submissive submits to her HoH, there doesn't seem to be the sense of ownership as in a BDSM relationship.

Like a full time D/s and M/s relationship, a DD relationship is a lot of work and a big commitment. For this relationship to flourish both partners need to acknowledge and accept that domestic discipline fulfills them mentally and emotionally in a way nothing else can.

Different Strokes For Different Folks

You know all those times in romance novels the hero muses to himself on how he should throw the heroine over his knee for her antics or latest hair brained scheme? In spanking books he does just that, with consistency and enthusiasm.

For this week's post I have two top rated spanking books and one indie spanker that turned my cheeks rosy. They all feature different aspects of the spanking lifestyle as well some hot'n gritty rump slaps that will have you shouting, Thank you sir, may I have another! 



Body Politics (Rod and Cane Society) by Cara Bristol

Stephanie knows as soon as she meets Chief of Police Mark DeLuca, on a blind date, he is the wrong man for her. She is a feminist and he's the beat on his chest, alpha male type. That doesn't mean he's not the perfect candidate to scratch her itch. 

Mark knows Stephanie is attracted to him, he also knows that she, and her delectably round spank-able ass, is exactly what he's been looking. 

Very much a feminist meets hunky Alpha type story. Mark belongs to the Rod and Cane Society, a Domestic Discipline organization and Stephanie is the founder of WAN (Women Act Now). 


This was my first blatantly DD lifestyle book and I found the dynamic of the relationship fascinating. While Stephanie is wrapping her head around the kind of relationship she has found herself in, I was also wrapping my head around the concept of her boyfriend not being as much of a Dom as an authority figure. 

The spankings are very controlled and deliberate. They create an emotional outlet for Stephanie she didn't realize was lacking. Spanking is a big turn on for Mark, so he has a hard time sticking to the punishment when punishment is called for. The erotic spankings are my favorite. The sex is hot but in no way screams D/s, which I also found noteworthy. 

I did have a big sister moment at the end of the book. I had to remind myself that fiction means not always having to mentally and emotionally process things for two to three months. Stephanie jumps into some major life decisions after a devastating blow and my realist jumped out and screamed, What? You're not ready! 

Overall a great book full of humor, love and delicious discipline. I will be checking out more of the Rod and Cane Society books and look forward to Cara Bristol's up and coming spanking sci-fi Breeder

On a side note: I may read Ms.Bristol's book Unexpected Consequences just because the cover is so super hot. My stomach bottoms out every time I see it. So hot. ; )

142 pages

Warning: This book contains a feminist who doesn't see the erotic as well as disciplinary spankings coming. Some anal play included.




The Devil of Whiskey Row by Renee Rose

When a fire sets ablaze the whore house, Cora Underhill is indentured at, Cora excepts her fate and welcomes death. Jake Diggory, aka Daddy Digs, can't let Cora die. Not today, not ever. Jake has always been drawn to Cora and wants nothing more to see her well cared for. 

After Jake rescues her he gives Cora the option of working for him at his establishment in her choice of jobs and abiding by his rules. Anyone who doesn't follow Daddy Digs rules gets a spanking. With no money and no other place to go Daddy Digs is Cora's best option.



A great erotic old western story, The Devil of Whiskey Row doesn't run the risk of being corny or weak, yet at the same time doesn't traumatize the reader with embellished details of a profession the heroine doesn't enjoy.

While Cora does have sex with men other than the hero, it's subtle and Renee Rose works it into the story perfectly. Jake is gentle and patient, backing off when needed then coming in strong. This story has pantie dripping spankings scenes that turn erotic with the perfect element of domination. 

I look forward to reading many more of Renee Rose's hot, hot spanking books.

98 pages

Warning: This book contains consensual and non- consensual spankings, anal play, exhibitionism, and delightfully graphic sex scenes.






No Place Like Home by April Hill

Karen is a published author and a full time hot mess, living off oreos and free meals at her mom's. She's been bouncing around her mother's empty rentals only to end up in the beat down stucco, she grew up in, right off the Hollywood Freeway. 

When she starts getting dead things left at her doorstep Homicide Detective, Hank Everett, swoops in and decides he wants more than to just solve the case. The more mysterious things happen, the more Karen gets herself into trouble. What's Hank to do but toss unruly Karen over his knee and give her a bottom a wallup she wont soon forget. 

I got a kick out of this story.These two have a real throw back 1950's Lucci/Ricci dynamic.



Karen is very smart mouthed and ignores any common sense while Hank is uber take charge sensible man. The book itself is laugh out loud one moment, then edge of your seat creepy scary the next. I was blown away by the ending. Definitely a standout modern day mystery/spanking romance with a twist. 

The sex is tame but the punishing spankings are frequent, extreme, and described in techno color. Hank doesn't hold back. Not even a little. As violent as the spankings are in this book, I can honestly say they not only aroused, I wanted to be spanked like the bad girl I am more than any other book I've ever read. That, I found surprising.

This story was different from anything I've ever read before. I will definitely check out more from April Hill.

210 pages

Warning: This book contains some graphic, serious no nonsense spanking that aren't extremely consensual. 



For more spankings from these fabulous authors please visit:

Cara Bristol http://carabristol.com/

Renee Rose @http://www.reneeroseromance.com/?zx=9c5ba3a7b923872b

 April Hill @ Blushing Books

Thank You, 

Cara Bristol, Renee Rose and April Hill!!!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Never Judge A Book By It's Cover



These days I don't get a chance to really read and fully experience the joys of a paper back historical romance. And by fully experience I'm not talking about the smell of paper and ink, although that is nice, nor the less enjoyable flipping of pages while doing alternating hand holds trying to fight off carpal tunnels.

No, I'm referring to the covers.

Princess Buttercup (my kindle) is of the old school first model of kindles. When you look up a book on Princess Buttercup the picture of the cover is the size of a postage stamp and I pay it no heed. A book purchased opens to the first page. I would have to scroll back to see the cover and rarely take the effort unless a random bought of curiosity over takes me.

The only time I see the cover is if I later look it up online and the covers often give me a giggle.

This month I've been on a paper back historical romance kick and I forgot how much I get a kick out of romance covers.

I was barely out of leading strings before I started stealing grandmas salacious novels. At the time ambiguous covers were making head way, often putting the depicted love struck couple on the inside page out of view for public reading, but ...

Ms. Mason had some great covers but they were nothing compared to the captivating wonder that was....

Original Johanna Frikkin  Lindsey

If you've never seen these I'd take a moment to Google image search Original Johanna Lindsey book covers. My girlfriend has many of the originals and we revere them like they are mint condition Mickey Mantle trading cards.  

The above is one of my all time favorite Lindsey covers. The story is pretty fantastic also, but I remember being so spell bound by this cover. Like many of her books, it was later re-released with an ambiguous cover that authors like Julie Garwood and Jude Deveraux have always used. 




I appreciate the ambiguous cover in that it does not distract from the actual story itself. Some times the cover is so provocatively well done I find myself staring, transfixed, like a boy with his first naughty magazine. 

Luscious, accurate and they really do get busy in the garden.


Then there is the mismatch covers. From erotic contemporary to romantic sci-fi, we've all seen the covers that make us stop half ways through the book just to compare and contrast all the vast differences of the cover form the actual contents like it's a Highlights hidden picture puzzle.


The Carpet Doesn't Match The Drapes Syndrome


The above Lynsay Sands cover is a mild example.The hero is close enough but the heroine is actually described in the book as having pale white skin, black hair and melon size breasts. She's barely five foot tall and extremely curvy. Her mother refers to her as gluttonous.

Covers always have heroines that look like they're on a hunger strike when in the book they're at least a size fourteen and don't get me started with sci-fi alien heroes.

No, Randy the part time male model that works at the hardware store does not look other worldly, let alone like a seven foot bald orange and black male of the Pandean race from the planet Orm. <palm to forehead>

I once read a book where the cover was an angelic looking black haired man and a blond with gloriously long locks. In the book the man had regular brown hair, was quite hairy, had a mustache and the heroine had cropped red hair.

There was also a pirate book where the cover had a whip cord muscled man with his long black hair pulled back, standing feet apart on the bow of a ship. He was a sexy looking pirate but alas, the pirate in the story had thick corded muscles, broad shoulders and golden blond hair that barely brushed his shoulders and of course was sprinkled over his manly wide chest.

Why the subterfuge? Why not just default to the ambiguous cover?

Many authors don't get to choose their cover and I always wonder why the person choosing the cover didn't read the blasted book.

A prime example of this is the Eloisa James head scratcher. Ms. James covers are known for not only being enchanting but also pretty accurate. I was not the only one stumped when halfway through reading A Duke Of Her Own I realized our heroine, poor Eleanor, doesn't only get thrown over by two dukes and suffer constant criticism from her own mother, her rival Lisette is the one featured on her book!




 Lisette is a whimsical thin blond. When reading the book, and building the picture of Lisette, you actually will get a mental image of the girl on the cover even if you have never seen the cover!! 

Eleanor has chestnut colored hair that's likened to rich brandy. She's also quite full bodied and it wasn't until the second time I read the book and mentally disparaged the cover that I realized that man is supposed to be Villers! Villers of course is a very large man with long black hair he wears tied back. 

Many WTFs were given the week following this book's release.

Everyone wanted to know why Lisette was featured on the cover of Eleanor's book. Ironically A Duke Of Her Own is my all time favorite Eloisa James novel. Maybe that's why I feel such umbrage on Eleanor's behalf.  

Paperbacks may be a dying breed but romance/erotic novel covers are alive and well for the moment. The more Amazon polices literature based on it's cover the more we will be seeing the ambiguous covers. Take a moment to appreciate the cover of whatever book you are reading!

* * * *

While searching out the history of romance novel covers I didn't find anything terribly useful or interesting but I did find this thesis I'm currently reading on the Effects of Romance Novel Readership On Relationship Beliefs, Romantic Ideals and Relational Satisfaction.

 I wouldn't have honestly given it a second glance had it not been written by a woman so I'm giving it a go. 

 http://www.bc.edu/content/dam/files/schools/cas_sites/communication/pdf/thesis07.bun.pdf

Now I bid you ado with some Fabio!!


Enjoy!


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Post Apocalypse E-Reading & Follow Up





Before I get into my follow up, on the books I purchased July 1st, I want to talk about a very important matter.

Reading after an apocalypse.

I've been mentally preparing for an apocalypse, (zombie, alien or otherwise) for years. I don't buy food, batteries or anything useful, I just prioritize my books and those I would take with me in a survival situation.

The thoughts of what to read post apocalypse began after I started a much needed downsizing of my book collection. (and being slightly traumatized  by Cormac MaCarthy) I went through all my books asking myself the question, If I could only take one book, would this be it? 

With that in mind I ended up donating close to 300 books to my local library. I still kept many, but only my favorites. Soon after the downsize I got Princess Buttercup (my Kindle) and that's when the real worrying began.

How will I  charge Princess Buttercup post apocalypse?

Every time I've downloaded a book for the past few years I've inwardly cringed. I have over 400 books in my archives, all lost to me if the power goes out on Earth. Or are they?

I recently discovered Solar Chargers.


Okay, by discover I mean my 65 year old mother told me about solar chargers like they were common knowledge and I've never felt like more of a lame dumb ass. 

I mean, this is the woman who called me in preparation to her 60th birthday wanting to know the best way to go about waxing and shaving her lady parts. I was happy to help but I didn't want to know why she wanted this knowledge. She told me anyways. I wanted to know why even less after she told me. 

My family really has to work on TMI boundaries, but I digress.  

My parents each have their own fancy little solar chargers for on the go charging and outdoorsie vacations. Yes, these things charge every thing from cell phones to e-readers just sitting in the daylight. And they're pretty cute. 


Now I don't know if we'll be able to get a wireless internet signal to retrieve books from archives but at least this way we'll be able to read whatever is currently on our e-readers. In other words, make sure to keep your favorite e-book on your home page at all times.

An apocalypse can happen at any moment and survive or die, I'm going to do it while reading. 


* * * *





Last month I had a super read-a-thon, reading as many of my TBR books as I possibly could. I found some new-to-me authors I enjoyed so much I had to buy more of their stories. Let me tell you, I've started July out with a bang and some great reads that I would like to share with you.


Kallypso Masters : Last month I read Ms.Master's  Masters at Arms, the intro to her Rescue Me (military bdsm) series. I adored it and was hooked.

I also picked up the next book Nobody's Angel for free. I'm going to be honest. I didn't like it. It was meh for me. That's okay because it had the set up for the next book in the series I read and adored, Adam and Karla's story Nobody's Hero. I finished out the series with Nobody's Perfect, Damian and Savi's story which I loved.

Over all a fantastic series albeit emotionally exhausting. They are very involved and set at a pace that keeps you sucked in. I could hardly put these books down (Sans Nobody's Angel) and they're are full length. Nobody's Perfect is 466 pages alone. This made for some late nights. I barely slept.

After all that emotional turmoil I needed something light and playful so I switched gears to....

Seraphina Donavan : Last month I fell in love with the light hearted humor and heat of  Bad Girl Lessons (Gresham County Bk1). I needed that so I read Bad Boy Secrets (Gresham County Bk2). It was just what I needed. I enjoyed it just as much as the first, if anything the sex was even hotter.

Tracy St. John : My all time favorite lady released an updated version of the first book in Clans of Kalquor series Alien Embrace that includes some perfectly placed add-ons and cuts that only enhanced the over all flow of the book.

She also released Alien Conquest's companion story Sister Katherine, which I raved about last week.


Nikita Black : Last month I read Cajun Hot, a fun playful Stolkholm love story about sexy swamp men who kidnap an unsuspecting photojournalist. This book in way prepared me for the awesome sauce that is Slave To Love.

Love, love LOVED this book.

I would like to put glitter, sparkles and runway lights around this cover. Slave To Love is a must read can't miss erotic mystery so warning label worthy. If I could only recommend one book this week Slave To Love would be it. 

This book messed with my head as well as set my panties on fire. Lots of dark fantasies are masterfully played out in Slave To Love, with plenty of unexpected twists and turns. Nikita Black took full advantage of this being an indie book and doesn't play by the standard erotica rules, giving us an outstanding unconventional love story that will keep you guessing till the end. I got goosebumps when I read the last page. Goosebumps. 

I'd explain more but I want it to be surprise. All of it. 

Slave to Love is 316 pages 

Warning: This book contains voyeurism, exhibitionism, BDSM, Master/slave in sexual play, anal play, touching by others not hero, consensual rape fantasy, and use of sex toys. 

You can see more on Slave To Love: http://amzn.com/0977426939

Nikita Black writes mostly romance under the name Nina Bruhns

Thank You Nikita Black!


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

My Atonement To Sister Katherine



Have you ever been so uninterested in a book you want nothing to do with it but some force in the universe compels you to read it anyways? Then you read it and it's so good that it blows you out of the water to sit momentarily stunned on the shores of your mind?

Sister Katherine by Tracy St. John was that book for me. I had no desire to read this book at all.

I know!


I would like to atone for my momentary insanity so let me explain. 

First I loved Alien Conquest and I had a feeling Sister Katherine was going to be the opposite side of the coin to that story, which I wasn't excited about at all. Second the only thing I hate more than a naive prissy virgin is a pious naive prissy virgin surrounded by understanding 'hands off' heroes. Gag me with a spoon. 




So yeah, I had some preconceived notions. The thing is I'm a dedicated FoK, heart and soul, so I had to read it if only for a glimpse of my book boyfriends Lidon, Tranis and Degorsk. 

My fellow FoKs, if you even thought for a second about not reading this book run, don't walk, to obtain and devour a copy of this book. 

Some of this I put in my review on Amazon but I believe it's worth repeating and in more depth. 

Yes, Katherine is an extremely naive virgin, uneducated about sex as well as many of the intimate workings of her body, and also extremely religious, but I was pleasantly surprised that it never went so over the top to be obnoxious. 

I was prepared to be completely annoyed with Katherine. I also expected to be frustrated with Clan Simdow, but while tentative and understanding they are always gently coaxing Katherine into making this book the scorching erotic fiction Tracy St. John fan's adore.

There is more 'considerate love making' in this book than any other Kalquor story but damn, it's some of the hottest fucking 'considerate love making' I've read. There is plenty of the not so considerate loving also. So. Damn. HOT.

I'm not sure how Tracy St. John didn't go cross eyed from writing this book. 

Sister Katherine is a slow burn that goes from stroking the embers to pantie melting raging inferno. This character driven story builds up to blazing hot love scenes that blend seamlessly with the emotionally charged space conflict and turmoil on Earth. Sister Katherine takes us past the devastation that happens at the end of Alien Conquest to the new reality for the aspirants or young charges of the convent. 

Sister Katherine is engaging as well as an emotionally moving story. I teared up quite a few time through the second half of this story.

I could hardly put this book down and ended up staying up till 3am to finish it. I can't drink caffeine and I have an early riser. I usually don't stay up past midnight for anything. I could not put it down. 

Hands down my favorite book Tracy St. John has put out this year and that includes the re-release Alien Embrace.  It's officially in my top five favorite Kalquor stories. Yep, I think Sister Katherine is that good.

349 pages clear your schedule

Warning: Mild BDSM, captive sex/forced seduction (doesn't seem forced at any point), anal play/intercourse, bondage, Dom/sub play, and of course multiple sex partners, (m/f/m/m) 

For more on Tracy St. John and her Clans of Kalquor please visit her @ http://www.tracystjohn.blogspot.com/

Thank You Tracy St. John!!!

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

The Couples Rut





Couples often have a hard time communicating about their sexual desires. Men aren't mind readers. Yep, turns out 99% of men have EPSN not ESP. And ladies, we have a bad habit of denial if we have a problem. I'm fine, everything is fine. 





So how do we go about saying we want something more without hurting our man's ego?  And if you're a man how do you talk about this stuff without seeming pushy? Plus, there is always the risk of judgement  that makes talking about this stuff pretty uncomfortable. How do you get around the judgement?

I want to talk about a few fun ways to lighten the mood and create a no judgement, no expectations atmosphere that will get communications open between you and your loved one.



*Listening to a broadcast that talks about sex on podcast (free) or Spice Channel on Sirius XM (must subscribe) with your partner. In the car or at home. Pick the shows that are hosted by ex-porn stars and very liberal minded sex enthusiasts.

Don't take anything too seriously.

Do laugh with each other. I guarantee this will bring up sex topics you and your spouse have never talked about before.

My husband started listening to the Spice Channel last year on his own and it opened a flow of communication that I hadn't even realized was missing. I've always been been pretty open about my sexual everything. I can tell my husband fantasies I've masturbated to, secret desires, you name it. But my husband clammed up when it was his share time.

Hearing other people talk so openly about every aspect of their sex lives in such a casual way was what my husband needed to open the flood gates. When we listened to it together we had some of the best sex discussions we've ever had.



* Making a sex menu.

I'm sure some of you have done this. This is like the limit list for vanilla couples and it can be a hand written update to couples in a non-vanilla relationship. I know what would have been hard limits for me eleven years ago are long gone.

Hell, somethings that would have been a limit four years ago are now on the menu. It's also fun to write out some fantasies you've wanted to play out while you're at it.

Five years ago my husband and I exchanged our menus listing everything we wanted to try, everything we loved, and everything we were willing to try. My husband had about seven things on his menu. I had thirty-two.

Our communications really opened that night and it gave my husband a clear indication of exactly what I was into. It also gave him the green light to try new things.

-If you're not sure about what to put on a menu you both can fill out a BDSM checklist to email to each other. (Don't open at work) This makes everything clear and leaves nothing out!
http://www.wikiphilia.net/bdsmchecklist/bdsmchecklist.php

Then after reading each others checklists, write out at least one fantasy you each want to act out.




*Take a silly sex quiz and show each other the results.

Don't take the results too seriously. 

Do talk about what you think you scored accurate on and what you thing is way off and whyhttp://quizfarm.com/quizzes/Sex/poeticthinker/do-you-have-an-inclination-for-bdsm/




*Go on a second first date with your spouse or significant other as your selves. Let me be clear. You and your partner go out as if you don't know each other. This differs greatly from the 'picking each other up at a bar' role playing scenario.

The stranger role play is a fun idea to add to your fantasy list, but not what we're going for.

I know this one may sound strange, and the first time I brought this up to my husband he said, "So, you want to cheat on me with me?"

Well, no, that's no way to get reacquainted. Again, that would be in the role play for a different time. The point is to date your partner and get to know who they are in that moment.

This is a huge exercise in self awareness and opens up communication.

When was the last time you went out with someone you were trying to attract, for the first time? (hopefully  you answer however long you've been with your partner) Chances are you're a much different person then you were then.

Your partner can ring the door bell like you're getting picked up or you can leave together after kissing the kids good bye. However once you get in the car, cab, or start walking to your destination you are strangers.

Make sure your date plan is conductive to talking. You both will talk about what you love to do in your spare time, your careers, your kids and how they have impacted your life, your hopes and dreams and skimming over the ugly stuff like you would on a first date.

Realize if you talk about your partner to your partner things may take a turn.

Saying, My kid's father is amazing and he's been a rock through the years, set's a much different tone then, I wish my kid's dad could spend more time with them. There were years when he just wasn't emotionally available.

Whoa, that could take the night down therapy lane. Try not to bring too much baggage on a first date, even an imaginary one.

Later in the night talk about the date, how you felt, any nervousness and awkwardness. Talk about your real first date and what you were thinking all those years ago. Then reminisce about a sexual encounter early in you and your partners relationship that stands out in your mind for positive reasons.

From there you can segue into new sex ideas.

Dont ask your partner, Are you happy with our sex life? That's a question in a minefield. Nothing will clamp up the flow of communication faster. Anyone who is asked this question has a moral obligation to answer, Why, yes of course.

Do say things like, If I asked you to spank me because I've been a bad girl in the middle of sex, will that throw off your stroke?

Or, I think it would be fun to experiment in the bedroom, then mention some things you'd like to try.

Saying you're curious and want to experiment in the bedroom is a lot less likely to hurt feelings or bruise egos than saying you need something new or different.

No matter what you do, make sure your partner knows you want to explore your sexuality with them. If your partner isn't into your budding sexual curiosity it wont be as fun for either of you.

Last but not least.....

Once communication has been opened, and you've established the types of things you want to try, delve into things that you or your partner may be unsure how to go about with instructional books and videos.


*Order a DVD from Adam & Eve and watch it together. You can even watch it yourself and have them watch the clips you want to try. 

Tristan Taormino also has this particular guide in book form, but if you're sharing this with a man go visual. It's an instructional guide and I may order it just because it has two of my all time favorite BDSM porn Doms in it. (comparable to hot fictional book Doms) I'm not saying which two they are. ; ) I'll let you guess. I will say one of the guys did a video with a shibari scene with suspension that was one of the hottest things I've ever seen. 

http://www.adameve.com/adult-dvds/how-to/sp-tristan-taorminos-guide-to-kinky-sex-for-couples-92310.aspx


This week's recommended read is to remind us of why it's so important to do tune ups and oil changes in our relationships.



Love and Biology at the Center of the Universe by Jennie Shortridge.

After Mira Serafino discovers the love of her life, father of her college age daughter, the man she's been with over twenty years, has been seeing someone else, her world turns on it's axis.

Her husband's not who she thought he was, her daughter is a hippy that hates her, her Italian family has a code of conduct she needs to live up to and Mira is just starting to figure out who she is at forty five.

Love and Biology is a light and refreshing read despite the heavier very honest depiction of one woman's midlife crisis. I read this book five years ago when it first came out while in a strange place in my life and I just got sucked in all over again.

Reading about Mira going through the crap life dishes out, and so much self discovery at forty five, gave me clarity in my life and reminded me not to take life too seriously. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

This is a great read about what happens when life happens with a surprising HEA.

Warning : This book is a regular fiction, so there is sex and some mild drug use but nothing that will knock your knickers off.